DIY FAIL: Staining cabinets

This is part one of a two part epic tale.

Ok, it's not that epic.

So, my kitchen cabinets were nice, but plain.  And that awkward in-between color. 

So I was watching some morning HGTV on my February vacation and thought, "hmmm, I have nothing to do... why not stain my cabinets?! It looks easy!"

It is, actually.

If you have untreated wood.

I, however, do not.

I did some quick research on what to do and swiftly went to the hardware store, where I bought stain, cleaner ("mineral spirits"... sounds like a vegan cocktail), sandpaper, brushes, rags and tacky cloth.

I had everything I needed.  I even called my friend Caitlin over to help out.  She's always a good voice of reason and experience (see the entry on "Chrissy vs. Grout"). 

We started off with the backs of some cabinet doors.  Cleaned, sanded, applied stain.  The stain looked so good! So dark, reddish, and warm.  Waited 15 minutes. Wiped it off. NO CHANGE.

Womp.  I didn't get the hint.  We proceeded to do 6 doors, and after Cait left, I decided to sand and stain all the boxes and drawers.  Made a huge mess. 

In the end, I stained the boxes and the backs of those 6 cabinet doors three times.  The boxes took the stain PRETTY well.  The doors... not so much.  Just a slightly darker, sticky mess. 

I took the advice from Christina (well, her mom) to go to the paint store with a cabinet door and ask if they could even be stained... and they can't.  Too dense/pressurized.  Too much staining/polyurethane already.  Womp.

However, when I stained the backs, I dribbled stain allllllllll over the fronts.  Conveniently, it stuck there.

CHOICE WORD.

I was left with a few options:

1. Admit defeat, and put doors back up with slightly unmatching boxes and spots.
2. Paint them dark brown and say goodbye to nice grain.
3. Go a little wild with color.

After several panic attacks and a visit from momma dukes, here is a preview of my solution. 

I'm not done yet.  I'm either about to make the funkiest/coolest kitchen ever... or make the f-ing ugliest kitchen ever and destroyed some decent wood cabinets. Time will tell!

WHAT A CLIFFHANGER.